15 Hilarious Adult Jokes That Will Make You Cry Laughing
Wednesday, Aug 26, 2020, 12:05 pm
By:James Fraser
Adult jokes, crude jokes, off-color jokes, whatever the name may be, they are a treat to read, particularly if you love reading short jokes that make you cry laughing. As the name suggests, only grownups can understand these jokes. Adult jokes mostly revolve around sex, inappropriate relationships, etc. Check these fifteen hilarious adult jokes that will make you cry laughing hard. Laugh hard, but don't forget to share the laughter!
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1.A Man in a Hotel Lobby
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he proceeds to walk towards the front desk, his elbow accidentally hits a woman's breast. The man tells the lady in a shaky voice, "If your heart is as soft as your breast, you will forgive me." The lady replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room no. 1221."
2.Password is Not Long Enough!
A man and his wife are sitting in front of their PC, and trying to set up a new password. The husband types 'mypenis' as password. The wife immediately falls on ground laughing as she sees an error message on the computer screen that reads as "Error! Password's Not Long Enough."
3.The Lie Detector Robot
A man bought a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He wanted to test the robot.
Dad: Son, come here.
Son: Dad, what?
Dad: Where were you yesterday?
Son: School, of course!
(Robot slaps the son)
Son: I'm sorry dad, I went to a movie.
(Robot slaps the son again)
Son: I'm sorry dad, I watched porn.
Dad: When I was of your age, I don't even know what porn is.
(Robot slaps the dad)
Mom: After all, he is your son. What else can you expect him to do?
(Robot slaps the mom hard!)
4.Jimmy and His Cat!
A teacher in a class noticed a cat, and asked students who owns it. Jimmy stood up and said it was his. The teacher asked him why he brought the cat to the school. Jimmy replied, "I heard my dad saying 'I'm going to eat that pussy today' to my mom'.
5.This Incent Joke
My sister asked me to take off her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and panties."
And so I took them off.
Then she looked into my eyes and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
6.A Woman And An Army General
A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
7.A Couple on Their First Date
Guy: You know? My penis was in the Guinness Book of Records!
Girl: OMG, you have the biggest penis in the world or what?
Guy: It was in the Guinness Book until the librarian kicked me out!
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8.A News Paper Ad!
A woman placed an ad in a news paper.
'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements. He shouldn't beat me. He shouldn't leave me. He should be great in bed.'
Three days later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Tim. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the hell are you supposed to be great in bed then. Didn't you read the third requirement?"
Tim replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
9.Husband, Wife and a Hospital Appointment
Husband and wife were sleeping in the bed. The husband started to rub his wife's arms gently, and tried to have sex with her.
The wife said, "Well, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow. I need to stay clean and fresh."
Disappointed husband turned to the other side and tried to sleep. After 10 minutes, he turned to his wife's side and asked her in a slow and creepy voice, "You don't have a dental appointment tomorrow. Do you?"
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10.The Doctor Scandal
A wife was cooking something in the kitchen while the husband was watching a debate in a news channel over a doctor's sex scandal.
Wife: Why is everyone's going so mad? Doctors are humans too. Unless the doctor is raping women in his office, I don't see any problem in having sexual relationship with patients. Common, everyone does this.
Husband: He is a veterinarian.
11.The Special Gift!
Friend: What gift did you give to your husband on his birthday?
Lady: A magnifying glass.
Friend: What???
Lady: Yes, he asked for the best penis enlargement product available in the market as a gift.
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12.New Condoms in the Market
Husband: Honey, did you see what I bought today. Olympic condoms! They come in three colors gold, silver and bronze.
Wife: Oh wow, are you using one today?
Husband: Yes!
Wife: Which color?
Husband: Gold, obviously!
Wife: For a change, why not use silver? You always come first. Try come second this time.
READ MORE: 15 Hilarious Blonde Jokes
13.The Funny Old Man
At a beach, a slim and sexy girl asked a fat old man if he has Carlsberg or Tuborg beer keg inside his stomach to embarrass him. The old man replied, "I don't know. There's a tap underneath it. Why don't you taste it and tell me?"
14.Two Hookers On The Street
Two hookers standing on a corner of a street started talking about business, and how much money they have made for the day. One of the hookers said, "I think the night's going to be great too. I already smell cock in the air!" The other lady said, "Sorry. Please don't mind. I just burped."
15.Two Best Friends At A Bar
Guy: I think my wife's cheating on me.
Friend: How do you know?
Guy: She didn't come home last night. When I asked about it, she said she was with her sister Stacey.
Friend: So?
Guy: She was lying. I was with her sister the whole night.
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